Pastors and pharisees: You know my heart

If there is one phrase that really bugs me that Christians love to use it is: "You know my heart..." It's normally used right after someone has shared something very unchristian as if it should somehow nullify all that has gone before it.

This past week I overheard two pastors doing business. Each pastor is trying to get ahead in the world of Christian celebrity. Their conversation made me feel physically sick for a number of reasons but it was the last part of their conversation that really made me want to regurgitate my breakfast. One pastor said, he might need the other to put in a little more work. The other replied,

"...but you know I've belt up quite a brand, you know the numbers I pull in and how successful I am. With everything that I've done, you should actually be thanking me for helping you out with this! You know my heart..."

"I know your heart brother..."

Um, really? There sat two pastors wheeling and dealing. Both trying to make a deal that would allow them to get more fame and fortune and then when it became to apparent that was actually what they were after, they threw in, "You know my heart". Really? Does that work? I would loved to have let them finish the phrase, "You know my heart..." because to me it sounded like their hearts were full of desires for recognition and remuneration. I wanted so bad to turn around and tell them, "God, knows your heart too, and I'm not sure he would like it..." but I bit my tongue.

This time.

Next time I might say this:

"I've had it with you! You're hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds! Your lives are roadblocks to God's kingdom. You refuse to enter, and won't let anyone else in either.

You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned.

And what about this piece of trivia: 'If you shake hands on a promise, that's nothing; but if you raise your hand that God is your witness, that's serious'? What ridiculous hairsplitting! What difference does it make whether you shake hands or raise hands? A promise is a promise. God is present, watching and holding you to account regardless.

You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.
You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds.
You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You build granite tombs for your prophets and marble monuments for your saints. And you say that if you had lived in the days of your ancestors, no blood would have been on your hands. You protest too much! You're cut from the same cloth as those murderers, and daily add to the death count."

Okay, it's true, I'd only be quoting Jesus. Just read Matthew 23. Sometimes I wish I could be so eloquent! (The version quoted here is from The Message)